Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
My High Needs Child....Validating stuff! ...from an "Old Mom"
My sisters (three of them) all had sons in 1985, so my 1988 son had LOTS of hand-me-down treasures, and a full frame of reference that he was like no other kid his aunties had seen. Everything you read about Baby ATHG in "Art Teacher Hates Glitter" is EXACTLY what my life was like too! I LOVED my son dearly, and hated the term (we'd laugh about this privately-how old ladies would ask if I had a "good" baby). Of COURSE I had a "Good" baby...and one who ran me ragged, but needed me desperately. I just yesterday joked with my sister regarding his prebirth activity level. It's not so funny now, but I joked "I'm afraid to let this one out!". Luckily I had had some severe ob/gyn issues threatening my fertility, so there was nothing he could do to wear me out that didn't feel more than worth it. God only knows how a teen mom without a good support system, or any mom without a good support system might take this on.
My sister in law had four kids, 2,3, 6 & 8 and after keeping baby EADD for the first time (an afternoon) when he was 16 months, said, "How do you DO this?" Moments like this highlight that these kids *are* different, and if it is a first baby, we tend to doubt ourselves. Moms *should* have a heightened alert for trouble in daycare, as I would bet anything that they are at higher risk than an average kid of being abused by a frustrated caregiver. But the brilliant mom in this blog saw her child's perspective too, and like I did, she is doing everything in her power to assure her child's well-being.
Breastfeeding issues were complicating the matter (benign tumors had damaged the function of the breasts), and he had no patience for the additional effort it took to nurse, and I don't know how we even managed to do as well as we did. He'd arch his tiny 6lb. body, tossing his head back with blood curdling screams. He would become so angry with the first failure to latch, that it was a process to even get him calm enough to try again. My inexperience and lack of guidance still were the biggest obstacles we faced, but it was too late by the time we were put on course. He was a supplemented nurser until I gave up at wit's end at month six. Everything was different. At week 8, he demanded to be turned around in the stroller, frustrated until he could see *everything*. He was what I described as "stimulus hungry". A bright child, but in short order, he would master everything he was given, and needed constant change. He slept so little, I thought I'd just die. I never had to worry about "baby weight gain" as no personal trainer could touch the grueling incessant workout he gave me (bouncing, walking, rocking almost nonstop). I felt for him though, as his suffering was unmistakable. At the time, I was almost grateful, when I could muster the strength to be anything at all. I felt as if he were training me for the challenge ahead. If this was infancy, batten down the hatches and board the windows before toddlerhood! I can't count how many times the vigil would mean intense efforts to save him from danger anywhere but at home. If he were heading for anything that had to be stopped, nothing I said would be enough to buy me time to get there. I had to be there to physically stop him, each and every time, as he was even more powerless to his impulses than a typical two year old by far.
Back then, all I knew was that he was off the charts for everything I could. Still, I was in a bit of denial, thinking of him as "on the highest end of normal" because I refused to let anyone label him, or predict his future.
I found her blog (the art teacher) in my search for whether the "Baby Think It Over" could be created as a high needs child. THIS is what every parent should be ready for, and if it doesn't happen, great. I was 26 and in perfect health, with a great family support base, and a husband to help me be there for him. Ten years later, after multiple reconstructive surgeries later , we had a healthy, calm as could be little girl. Today they are 24 and 14, and I see my typically teen daughter fuss and fawn over the preciousness of babies. Not precocious in any way, she does not date, or anything like that-not even close. I just see that twinkle in her eye, that someday she is sure she wants motherhood. I was just like her. It's a sweet thing, and it lead me to read things just to learn how newborns become socialized and what an important role those around them play. I eagerly took my early childhood education classes with my general ED phase of college. Everyone should. I also know that had I been a much younger, less prepared parent with less support (social, financial, and family)-GOD only knows how I would have faced the challenge.
Still, he found his gift/niche when he discovered computers, and he is brilliant at building, repairing them, even was controlling his father's PC from his room, as his father was trying to filter our internet. He kept us on our toes start to finish!
I always thought as he matured, his personality would change. Silly me! He is still a gift, and I adore my son, but he is an impulsive young man who learns most of his life lessons through personal experience, as he's too busy living to stop, look and listen. He became a father two years ago, and though the little one is a near exact replica of his dad at this age, he has the personality I saw in my second born. Thank god! I shutter to think how an impulsive parent would manage with a high needs child.
YES. Trust your instincts. This lady is so right! Hang in there. The internet would have been SUCH a gift!
My sister in law had four kids, 2,3, 6 & 8 and after keeping baby EADD for the first time (an afternoon) when he was 16 months, said, "How do you DO this?" Moments like this highlight that these kids *are* different, and if it is a first baby, we tend to doubt ourselves. Moms *should* have a heightened alert for trouble in daycare, as I would bet anything that they are at higher risk than an average kid of being abused by a frustrated caregiver. But the brilliant mom in this blog saw her child's perspective too, and like I did, she is doing everything in her power to assure her child's well-being.
Breastfeeding issues were complicating the matter (benign tumors had damaged the function of the breasts), and he had no patience for the additional effort it took to nurse, and I don't know how we even managed to do as well as we did. He'd arch his tiny 6lb. body, tossing his head back with blood curdling screams. He would become so angry with the first failure to latch, that it was a process to even get him calm enough to try again. My inexperience and lack of guidance still were the biggest obstacles we faced, but it was too late by the time we were put on course. He was a supplemented nurser until I gave up at wit's end at month six. Everything was different. At week 8, he demanded to be turned around in the stroller, frustrated until he could see *everything*. He was what I described as "stimulus hungry". A bright child, but in short order, he would master everything he was given, and needed constant change. He slept so little, I thought I'd just die. I never had to worry about "baby weight gain" as no personal trainer could touch the grueling incessant workout he gave me (bouncing, walking, rocking almost nonstop). I felt for him though, as his suffering was unmistakable. At the time, I was almost grateful, when I could muster the strength to be anything at all. I felt as if he were training me for the challenge ahead. If this was infancy, batten down the hatches and board the windows before toddlerhood! I can't count how many times the vigil would mean intense efforts to save him from danger anywhere but at home. If he were heading for anything that had to be stopped, nothing I said would be enough to buy me time to get there. I had to be there to physically stop him, each and every time, as he was even more powerless to his impulses than a typical two year old by far.
Back then, all I knew was that he was off the charts for everything I could. Still, I was in a bit of denial, thinking of him as "on the highest end of normal" because I refused to let anyone label him, or predict his future.
I found her blog (the art teacher) in my search for whether the "Baby Think It Over" could be created as a high needs child. THIS is what every parent should be ready for, and if it doesn't happen, great. I was 26 and in perfect health, with a great family support base, and a husband to help me be there for him. Ten years later, after multiple reconstructive surgeries later , we had a healthy, calm as could be little girl. Today they are 24 and 14, and I see my typically teen daughter fuss and fawn over the preciousness of babies. Not precocious in any way, she does not date, or anything like that-not even close. I just see that twinkle in her eye, that someday she is sure she wants motherhood. I was just like her. It's a sweet thing, and it lead me to read things just to learn how newborns become socialized and what an important role those around them play. I eagerly took my early childhood education classes with my general ED phase of college. Everyone should. I also know that had I been a much younger, less prepared parent with less support (social, financial, and family)-GOD only knows how I would have faced the challenge.
Still, he found his gift/niche when he discovered computers, and he is brilliant at building, repairing them, even was controlling his father's PC from his room, as his father was trying to filter our internet. He kept us on our toes start to finish!
I always thought as he matured, his personality would change. Silly me! He is still a gift, and I adore my son, but he is an impulsive young man who learns most of his life lessons through personal experience, as he's too busy living to stop, look and listen. He became a father two years ago, and though the little one is a near exact replica of his dad at this age, he has the personality I saw in my second born. Thank god! I shutter to think how an impulsive parent would manage with a high needs child.
YES. Trust your instincts. This lady is so right! Hang in there. The internet would have been SUCH a gift!
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